So we just survived our first family visit to Disney. It was a rite of passage that was both painful and exhilarating… particularly that “Soaring” ride where you feel like you’re actually flying over snow-capped mountains (even though I spent the entire eight minutes gripping my seat with my legs sticking straight out and my toes pointed up so my sandals wouldn’t fall off into oblivion).

Anyway, after 7 nights and 8 days in the magical presence of Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, the Posse of Princesses, etc. I made a few observations about the world created by Walt. One of which, is that there are over a thousand choices for souvenir t-shirts offered within the array of gift shops inside, surrounding, over and under and alongside the Magic Kingdom and its adjacent properties. You can’t miss them. Virtually every ride dumps you right out into a gift shop…family fun meets brilliant marketing. Just try and wrestle a rubber sword away from any toddler after they experience the “Pirates of the Caribbean.”

While at Disney, I had AMPLE time to ponder many of life’s mysteries while we waited in line for the “magical” shuttle bus, the rides, the parades, the bathroom, more rides, and for my iced mochaccinos that frankly, I wished were spiked most of those days. During those hours of time I had to reflect, I decided that the current t-shirt choices were cute, but some were off the mark. Such as,”I’m with Goofy” or the one with the outline of Mickey Mouse formed by green tree branches. This is Disney’s way, I’m guessing, of illustrating their environmentally conscious-side as displayed in the “Circle of Life” film at Epcot. Not only will you never get that song (or “It’s a Small World”) out of your head for the rest of your life, but that dang 10-minute movie will make you feel so guilty you’ll never buy a newspaper, drive a gas-guzzling car, or use a tissue after you sneeze EVER AGAIN.

Anyhoo, here is my own custom line of “10 T-shirts They Should Have at Disney World.”

1. For the price of a small fishing vessel, YOU TOO could have this vacation!!!

2. Embrace the magic. Even the $6 hot dogs.

3. Honey, stop zooming in on Jasmine’s chest.

4. Jiminy Cricket is always watching.

5. On the ride of life, there are those who wait in line…and those who Fast Pass.

6. Vote Cinderella & Belle in ‘08.

7. If I swam for survival I’d have abs like Ariel too.

8. Use the force. And bring a stroller.

9. Breakfast with Donald. Lunch with Cinderella. Dinner with Bud Light.

10. Eat. Parks. Sleep. Repeat.

These t-shirts are only offered for a limited time, after which they will be sealed in the Disney vault until 2020. So act now!

Have a magical day!