I loooove shopping at Target. When I woke up this morning and remembered that I was going for my monthly pilgrimage, it put an extra spring in my step. As I got the kids ready for school, little bulls eye logos danced in my head. I saw visions of wide aisles of reasonably priced shampoo, trash bags, funky handbags and Isaac Mizrahi clothes…the smell of the personal pan pizzas from the snack bar in the air… “Oh, and yes sweetie, a Spiderman toothbrush for you, and a cute little hoodie sweatshirt for mommy.”

Here is what I bought today (completely uncut, unedited list):

• 2 juice boxes and Oreo cookie snacks from the snack bar to keep the natives happy (nothing like an uber-sugar fix before you even get them in the big red cart, but my judgment was impaired the minute I caught sight of the dollar bin section).
• 2 canisters of Gerber veggie crackers because A) the only vegetable my kids will eat is Veggie Booty and B) I had a coupon for them which I forgot to use.
• 1 tube of our beloved Princess toothpaste. Cinderella, Ariel, Beauty. A dream team of bubble-gum-flavored-fluoride-fighting-Disney loveliness.
• 1 GIANT can of Maxwell House coffee (did I really go through the last one that fast???).
• 1 GIANT box of Huggies.
• 2 packages of wipes.
• 1 little training potty that, with any luck, will soon keep me from buying more GIANT boxes of Huggies.
• 1 bribery-laden princess baby doll that talks when you squeeze her hand because “we’re-a-big-girl-now-and-tomorrow-it’s-time-to-send-your-nuk (pacifier)-via-the- U.S.-mail-to-the-nuk-fairy-so-she-can-give-it-to-a-little-baby-that-really-needs-it. Note: My apologies to “Carl” our mail carrier for the confusion you will surely experience when you find an envelope with three chewed up pacifiers in tomorrow’s mailbox, along with the wails of angst-ridden sorrow that you will hear coming from my house (most likely from me). And if you notice we don’t pick up the mail for a few days, it’s because I haven’t slept and I don’t know what day it is.
• 1 bribery-laden “Ramone” car because big brother didn’t want to be left out of the fun, but while we’re on the theme, “Maybe we should stop wearing our pull-ups at night starting tonight, huh buddy?”
• 2 baby cards, both for girlfriends who had twins (how cool is that?!).
• 1 white Henley t-shirt for me (because the wool sweater I bought on clearance at Old Navy is itchy and I need something under it, so now my $12 sweater technically cost $12 + $9.99). But at least I’ve got 6 more months of winter to wear it. Give or take a week.
• 1 additional bag of cookies because somehow the juice box and Oreo cookies were not quite enough sugar and I’m-not-done-shopping-and-I-just-want-to-spend-a-few-more seconds-trying-on-these-50%-off-cute-jackets.
• Score! 1 funky corduroy jacket (pure clearance shopping euphoria at $7.49). Let me shout from the rooftops of suburbia…I LOVE YOU TARGET!!!
• 1 CD for my husband for his birthday, but I just have to mention that it’s Pink’s latest album, and he specifically asked for it. You gotta love a guy who has Pink and punk rock in his car CD changer at the same time.
• 5 sets of red cheerleading pom poms from the dollar bin section. As a card-carrying member of the ex-cheerleader’s club, I had to buy these. Why? The next time one of my girlfriends needs a little pick me up, she’s totally getting pom poms mailed to her. It’ll be like an interactive greeting card… “Dear Jan, Sorry you had to go to the emergency room because your husband got a fishing lure caught in the back of your head on that fishing trip! Here’s a little extra spirit for you until those stitches come out!” (true story)

“YES, YES, YES WE DO! We love Target how ’bout you?!”